Fearless girl facing down the bull. Yikes.
Fear has really good information attached to it: it’s an unusual gift. Although we base the majority of our fear reactions on prior experience, fear has other options that aren’t obvious. We can decide to change our whole outlook on fear if we want.
I was a fearful kid who grew up to be a stupidly fearless adolescent and young woman. Big guy looking to harass a little 5’ 1” Zain? I’m tough, I’ll take him on. My modus operandi was to get in his face about his attitude. He wouldn’t know if I was crazy, packing heat or a big boyfriend was about to appear. I was stupidly fearless and not afraid of the consequences. Did I mention how stupid this was?
My friend Sammy would do the same thing but she had a great routine. “Gimme your mama’s phone number,” she’d demand to the surprised guy. “I’m wanna call her up and ask her if she knows that her son is pulling this B.S. on women. I bet your mama didn’t raise you like that.” No fear from either one of us. Geez we were lucky to have survived.
After I had my daughter I started sinking into bouts of “what-if” fearfulness. “My little bitty baby! I’m afraid she might ____________. “(insert fear). Fear never gets much better for mothers even when their kids become adults. A mother’s fear is hardwired in all species. I’ve been addressing this mothering fear lately and telling myself, “Well, she’s an adult and there’s nothing I can do anyway. I’ll just send protective vibes her way.
And just like the quote suggests, I’ve decided in advance how to deal with this type of fear. We can’t avoid all the things that make us afraid. But with work we can choose how fearful we’ll become in any given situation. Like choosing bravery and courage over fear. We can change our minds and our reactions if we pay attention. And listening to your intuition and your gut feeling is precious. It’s all part of the gift fear gives us.