Angry cat photo from Unsplash
“Nobody loves me,
Everybody hates me,
I’m goin’ out’n eat worms!”
Here’s why.
I’m stubborn and I have a bad temper when provoked.
When I was a little kid and I was angry, I’d go up to my room and march back and forth. The movement helped me to blow off steam, but the family downstairs thought it was funny.
I could hear them laughing. Surely it was about me (because everything is about me, right?). Ooo that made me mad. Then when I’d come back downstairs, someone would tease me by reciting that flipping poem. I hated that poem.
As I look back, I wonder why I had such a large chip on my shoulder.
I literally saw red when crossed. I invented wild and convoluted ways to seek revenge (but never did!) because I have a vivid imagination. I wove the most intricate stories in my mind about innocent situations, casting them as major conflicts.
Thankfully, my vesuviual temper has mellowed as has my stubbornness.
Now I try hard to pause when I feel my irritation rising. I think about why someone’s comments irk me. I ponder what they really mean, what it’s about.
It doesn’t always work, but I try.
The last time really I blew up was years ago when my Mom died and I apologized immediately. I was out of line. Distraught. They graciously forgave me.
Here’s my take on the whole thing:
I’ve come to believe temper is a mainline drug for the ego.
Example: Once after a gig a woman came up to me and said, “Gee, I like your voice. Someday maybe you’ll be able to sing as well as _______.” Ouch.
The singer mentioned had just started singing and her voice and style was what my friend Cathi calls the “scream-mata” technique. Not my style at all and a voice and throat destroyer in the long run.
I was offended at this woman’s comment. I had a lot of choice words in my head that I (luckily) didn’t voice.
My ego was bruised.
It took me awhile to feel friendly toward my “fan” again and realize that my big ego + temper were preventing me from believing in myself and my art.
Cause I’m not for everyone, and that’s okay.
Then I learned that her boyfriend had made some positive comment about my singing. Hum. Was I getting relationship blow back? Was it not even about me (because everything is about me, right)?
I didn’t ask then, but I hope now I’d ask her why she loved the other voice so much more than mine. Could I have learned something from her feedback? Maybe.
It’s tough in the moment to keep the trifecta of ego + temper + stubbornness from taking over.
It may take a while to learn to stop, drop and roll to get to a place where you feel worthy enough not to incinerate someone for their input. At least it did for me. I can’t be the only red-seeing stomper out there. What about you?
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