Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Our family had a bizarre birthday celebration. The day of your birthday would dawn with both excitement and dread. There you were innocently eating your breakfast Wheaties laughing at Charlie Brown and Snoopy when the entire family descended on you.
“Grab the legs!” someone shouted as you kicked viciously upsetting the cereal bowl.
“I’ve got the arms!” someone else smirked as you punched, twisted, struggled and screamed. “Lift the middle and let’s go!” someone directed as you tried the go-limp-then-attack technique which never worked.
Up the stairs like a bag of potatoes you were carried, crying, screaming and fighting. Up to the parents’ bedroom, spanked for every year of your age and shoved under the high bed. “Happy Birthday!” everyone cheerily yodeled as you cried with anger and frustration. “Another year older and we can still put you under the bed!” Everyone. Mom. Dad. Everyone in the family. Got. This. Birthday. Surprise. At least until my brother got old enough to do some serious damage and then the tradition faded away.
Along with the under the bed ritual there was cake, presents and a nice meal, but not until dinnertime. You think you hate celebrating your birthday because you’re another year older? Yeah, well think about being lovingly assaulted each year.
When my best friend turned 8, I asked her which bed in her house she had been shoved under after being spanked for her birthday. She looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. Her family only had cake and presents and blew out as many candles as they were old. I felt smug knowing our family was different. Our birthday tradition was unique (if not insane)! That’s when I learned that all families have traditions we cherish and think are perfectly normal. I found out later that this tradition was most likely handed down from my Scottish-Irish ancestry and it was intended to give you good luck in the coming year. I don’t believe any of us Mackey kids passed it down to the next generation. You’re welcome, kids.
Did you have a unique family tradition? I’m excited to hear about it. You know I love hearing from you! Send me a comment.
