I saw the sign.
Photo @brett_jordan
Wanna be schooled by an entire group of women you’re leading? That’s what happened to me when I innocently asked my Starfish Mothers Sphere the following question, prompted by reading Brene Brown’s Rising Strong.
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“Do you think people are doing the best they can?”
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I was in the “hell no” camp. People can do better.
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I can’t begin to tell you how much this told me about who I am, my personality, how I cope with stress, self-worth, self-acceptance and how I envision the world we live in. I admit I’m volatile. I have strong opinions, am forthright and on a bad day can be unbending and judgmental.
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I’m also compassionate, kind, interested in the well being of others and sympathetic. But I don’t suffer fools gladly and I get irritated and embarrassed when I see or hear people do things I don’t like or approve of (eek!). I want things to be nice. Things are not always nice. People are not always nice. Hence the “hell no.”
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But deeper than that, I feel like I’m not doing the best I can. In fact, I’m doing everything I can in the best way I know how. So I apply my unattainable standards to everyone. Ouch. The Starfish Mothers Sphere was on the “Yeah I think they are doing the best they can” side. Every. One. Of. Them. Boy did I feel like a jerk. And I had to own it. Crap.
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Here are some of the things the Starfish Mothers said:
**Not everyone has the advantages some of us do with money, education and so on;
**If you had a rough life, you may approach things roughly. It’s a perspective thing;
**People do what they see others around them doing as they grow up;
**We live in parallel universes with different models;
**Some people are taught to sit in judgement of others, like with racism?
**Doing harm today may help others tomorrow;
**There are lots of ways to spin a story and rationalize what’s right and wrong?
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Are people doing the best they can? What do you think?
I’ve spent some time thinking about this discussion and now that I’ve really looked at it, I have to agree: people are doing the best they can with the tools they have. It may not be on my scale of “best” but it’s not my life to judge. Just goes to show you, it’s never too late for a little schooling.
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Think back to that time when you were 12 and your friend’s sister had just gotten her license and she let you do a midnight “fire drill” in your pajamas at the busiest intersection in town while she waited on the red light. Were you all doing the best you could? Damn straight, right?
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You might be reading this and thinking, I wonder if she wants to hear from me. Go ahead. Hit reply and let me know your thoughts on this question.
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When I’m not blogging, posting some things to ponder on Wednesday’s Tangled Web or getting you to consider what makes up a bad joke on Bad Joke Friday, I’m coaching people on connection, confidence and a wide variety of other topics. If you’d like to work with me, you can click this button Work With Me and see my offerings. And you can join the Thursday group and get stories, random thoughts and humor sent directly to your inbox. No strings attached. Click here to sign up. Sign Up Here
