I had fish tacos with an old friend yesterday.
The kind of friend you can admit to that you screwed up or were a crappy, paranoid, fearful jerk and they still have your back.
I had a personal problem gnawing at me that I needed to whine about, question and explore. I wanted a no-crap sounding board and she didn’t let me down. She heard me; heard through the panic, depression and anger; heard my loss of balance.
And a miracle happened.
Instead of offering advice, she told me stories from her own life that mirrored what I was going through. She was helpful but she didn’t offer me sympathy, try to fix my situation or tick off the solutions she felt I needed to try. I felt washed with relief after our talk, more prepared to make my own decisions in my own way and on my own time.
Can you be that kind of friend?
It takes practice to listen deeply and not be scheming the next thing you’re going to say. It demands getting still and being present. It requires heart ears, not just head ears. It requires a tortoise shell of resolve not to jump in and take sides, sympathize and insist on your friend using fixes you just know will work. It’s the core of what makes a great conversationalist. A compassionate friend.
Can you be still and listen when someone pours out their stress, their anxiety and insecurity? Can you hear what’s hidden beneath the words, what their heart and soul need? It’s so tempting to offer a sure fix, dole out sympathy and play the all-knowing wise friend. I’d love to hear what you think. Tell me below about your experience with someone’s heart ears. You can hit reply below or if you want to learn how to listen; how to have a great conversation you can click this button I’d like to have a conversation and we can chat. It’s free with no strings attached.
And then you might feel like you have heart ears too.
