My frog green nails
Me: Come on now baby, just a few more miles.
Car: (whining) I’m not playing. I’m hot.
Me: (watching the gauge rise) No, no, no, no, no hang in there.
Car: (at light) I’m hot! I’ve had enough. I’m overheating right now.
Me: (at the final light before redemption) I can’t sit here light. Change. (light doesn’t change) Change! Comeoncomeoncomeon! Change %&^&&*^&! (turning on the heater and the fan full blast)
Car: I’m done. Here I go. I’m overheating.
The light changes, I scoot through an alley, nearly sideswiping a car, pull into the nail salon parking lot and cut the engine. Whew. I figured I just let the car cool off while I got my nails done and then get some antifreeze.
Nails. That’s what I had left the house for before my car adventure.
Nguyen and Ann own the nail salon. Nguyen was there and I asked him what was new. He said he and Ann were “at each other” but he’d spare me the details. Part of me wants to say, “No, no tell me the details” but I chicken out.
I pick out a neon green polish that any frog would be proud of and Nguyen starts in on my sorry nails. Half way through the manicure, Ann comes in. She puts her stuff down and lights into Nguyen and they have a BIG, juicy, screaming argument.
She stomps into the back and calls her investment advisor. Huh? I know this because she’s on hold on speaker phone and she has it on the loudest volume possible.
I’m nervous now because I want all my fingers intact.
Mrs. Pointy Nails shows up for her manicure and Ann starts in on the nails, all the while on the phone making appointments to see new apartments. As I go up to pay, Ann rips into Nguyen again about how she’s not going to work for his sorry (insert foreign word) one minute more. Mrs. Pointy Nails and I exchange glances. She’s looking like she’d love to leave with me.
“Let me make this easy for you,” says Nguyen. “You can leave now!” Ann explodes. As Nguyen hands me my receipt and says, “Thanks Zain, sorry for all the drama,” she lays into him in a couple of languages and I flee…to my overheated car!
Next: nearest antifreeze. I walk down to a convenience store where they have antifreeze for $21. No, too expensive. I call Ken and we drive to the auto parts store and buy antifreeze. Wanna guess what it cost me? $22 plus I had to buy a funnel.
After we reload the radiator and determine I have a slow leak, it’s off to the grocery store. Because I know how to have a good time!
Things go well until I start to muscle my cart out to the car. That’s when a full case of lemon seltzer water tumbles out of the cart and breaks apart on the floor, shooting seltzer water in all directions. People are bobbing and weaving like Sugar Ray Robinson but the seltzer is winning this fight. An employee helps me pick up the cans but he drops two of them and boom! It’s a seltzer volcano again.
My shoes are lemon-wet.
“Hey lady,” says the smirky cashier who checked me out as he points at all the water on the floor. “The restrooms are just over there!”
“I just couldn’t wait!” I fire back.
They bring me another case of seltzer and off I go to the car chanting to myself, “Just let me get home. Just let me get home.”
Nothing eventful happens after that except I got the blue screen of death on my computer during a Zoom call and Verizon texted me that I only have 10% of my data left for over the next three days and wouldn’t I like to upgrade to an unlimited plan?
I went to bed early.
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