Long ago I lived with John in Ann Arbor. He believed in buying holiday gifts on Christmas Eve at 5pm at K-Mart, “for the rush of it.” I hadn’t ever considered heading to K-Mart on Christmas Eve but I was ready for adventure!
K-Mart was strewn with cars parked at odd angles due to the dirty snow packed Great Wall of China that snaked around the parking lot. Inside, desperate shoppers, mostly men and crabby working couples, wandered around snatching up gifts. As we passed the ladies department, I heard a guy say to a clerk, “She looks about your size. Will this fit you?” Uh oh.
“Go look at stuff in jewelry or something,” John said. Ah. Apparently I was also on the list of K-Mart gift recipients.
I was fascinated watching the shoppers. I’d never seen people buy like this before. All they needed to hear was, “Attention K-Mart shoppers! Blue light special in the grocery aisle. All holiday sausage gifts packs are two for the price of one for the next 15 minutes.” And boom! An entire swarm of people would race walk toward the flashing blue light, knocking into displays and muscling in front of other eager bargain hunters.
I was looking at books when John appeared juggling arms full of gifts. I noted he had a holiday sausage gift pack under each arm. “Go find us a cart, will ya?” he asked.
Off I headed to the front of the store. No carts. I went outside and ended up following a couple, blowing on my frozen hands while they stuffed a pile of gifts into their Ford trunk. The woman looked at me suspiciously so with hands up I told her, “I just want your cart when you’re done. There’s none inside.” She laughed tiredly and pushed it my way. “Good luck and Merry Christmas.”
It took me awhile to find John. In fact, it took me a while to recognize him. He had an amazing amount of stuff piled in and under his arms, his chin and no lie, on top of his head. I was praying that leopard print sleazy nighty wrapped around his neck wasn’t for me. Wait a minute. Who was it for if not for me?
We’d been shopping for far too long when we heard: “Attention K-Mart shoppers! Your K-Mart store will be closing in 30 minutes. Please make your way to checkout. Merry Christmas and thank you for shopping at K-Mart.” The checkout lines defined the term “nightmare.” We broke into the pretzel sticks while waiting. It took another hour to get out of the place.
“Everybody else gets alcohol,” John decided. Absolutely. I was beat and we still had to wrap the scads of presents. “Let’s hit the liquor store, pick up some Chinese and go home.” I said. I was so exhausted by the time we were done with all the shopping and eating and wrapping that I fell asleep in a pile of wrapping paper scraps.
When I woke up on Christmas Day on the floor in my K-Mart shopping clothes, I discovered John had stuck a red bow on my head. “Merry Christmas, Zain girl,” he said as he handed me my gift. It wasn’t the leopard nighty. But that’s a story for another time.
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